The “What If” Spiral (And How I Learned to Step Out of It)

It usually starts small.

A tiny thought that slips in quietly…
What if they’re not feeling well?
What if something’s wrong?

And before I even realise it, I’m gone.

My brain runs ahead of me—fast. Suddenly I’m ten steps into the future, imagining worst-case scenarios that feel so real my chest tightens. I start connecting dots that probably don’t even belong together. I replay things. I analyse everything.

And the hardest part? It feels responsible. Like I’m being a good mum by thinking ahead, staying alert, not missing anything.

But I’ve learned this the hard way: the “what if” spiral doesn’t protect me—it just drains me.

It takes me out of the moment I’m actually in… and drops me into one that hasn’t even happened.

What the Spiral Looks Like (For Me)
It’s quick. Automatic. One thought turns into five. Five turn into a full story. And suddenly I’m reacting to something that isn’t real.

Meanwhile, my child is right in front of me—playing, talking, living—and I’m somewhere else entirely. That’s when I realised something had to change.

What Helped Me Step Out of It

I started naming it
When the thoughts begin, I gently tell myself:
“This is anxiety, not reality.”

Not everything my brain tells me is a fact. Sometimes it’s just fear trying to keep me in control.

I ask: “What’s true right now?”
This one changed everything.

Instead of chasing the “what if,” I come back to the present:

        - They’re here

        - They’re okay 

        - Nothing is actually wrong in this moment

It helps bring me out of the future and back into real life.

I put boundaries on Google
This was a big one.

Because let’s be honest—Google doesn’t calm anxious mums. It fuels them.

I made a simple rule: one quick search, maximum.
If I still feel unsure, I step away instead of digging deeper.

More searching never gave me peace—just more possibilities to worry about.

I let the thought pass (without chasing it)
Not every thought needs my attention.

I’m learning to notice it… and let it move on.

Like: “Okay, that’s a worry. I don’t need to solve it right now.”

I come back to what I can control
I can’t control every outcome.

        - But I can:

        - Be present

        - Respond if something actually happens

Support my child in real time

That’s enough.

The spiral still shows up sometimes. I don’t think it ever fully disappears when you care this deeply. But now, I catch it sooner. I don’t follow it as far.

And instead of getting lost in what if, I come back to what is. Because most of the time, right now is okay.

And that’s where I want to be.

 

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